so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
that may or may not have been my penis.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
