We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
