Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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