i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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