Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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