If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
