never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize
