It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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