I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
