If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
