birth control should be required to get into college
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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