Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
