Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
