So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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