well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
