Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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