My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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