wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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