You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
