i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
