i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I want a musical about memes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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