Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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