I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
