Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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