Already got asked if we're dating
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
