the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
