Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize