The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Someone shit on the floor
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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