grandma shit on top of the toilet
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
