Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
do herpes really smell.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
