Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
