My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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