Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
