Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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