Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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