that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We’re leaving where are you
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