Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
