I want to walk on stilts...naked
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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