I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
