I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
