I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's never too late to be topless.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
