In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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