We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize