she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
