My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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