i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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