Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
