So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
