I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
