hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
