The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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