He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
