In the future we'll all be gay
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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