Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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