bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
How's work?
Spinning.
You're like the curious george of whores
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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