I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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