why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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