I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
