He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
