went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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