sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
