Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
