You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
