Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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