the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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