I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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