you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
