just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
