White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize