What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
