dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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