nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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