I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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