Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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