i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I smell like Dick and happiness
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
