I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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