just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
