I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
