Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
