I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
