Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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