I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I touched a dick in church today
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